Posts/comments on selfportraits (Livejournal) November 2004 - April 2005 this file only contains her own posts & her comment replies to her own posts her replies to other people's posts will be added in antoher file at a future date for dead Photobucket links, I've either linked to a mirror on https://photobuckets.kamistik.com/ or tagged them with [WHAT PHOTO IS THIS??] if you know what any of the "[WHAT PHOTO IS THIS??]" were with 100% certainty, please share ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/4503176.html https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/isthisloli.jpg [WHAT PHOTO IS THIS??] CONTEXT: ooohhhh, very cute! cute is the most wonderful thing you could say. CONTEXT: lovely ^_^ CONTEXT: Out of curiousity, do you have a word for that dress style? It's sometimes referred to as 'Lolita Goth' but maybe that's not what you're going for. thank you.. the word you're looking for is (elegant) gothic lolita or EGL. when the dresses are more floral and "innocent" (such as colours of baby blue or pink) it's usually referred to as sweet lolita. i like both, depending on my mood. CONTEXT: thanks for clarifying / out of curiousity, how old are you? how old do you think i might be? CONTEXT: whoa, what a wonderful photo! / you remind me of a porcelain doll :) / p.s. love that dress i'm completely obsessed with dolls...so i wanted to seem like one. i'm happy that was the effect ^_^ CONTEXT: Now that is an intriging photo. Except for the cross... my mind shouted out "Saya!" (from "Blood: The Last Vampire"). / It is a wonderfully beguiling photo. Totally bewitching. The dress is exceptional. The pose and expression, wonderful. The model, stirring. / Extraordinary effort. Thank you for sharing. *blush* i'm very complimented. incidentally, i love blood: the last vampire. i didn't care much for the plot but the characters & animation were amazing and..of course, lots of blood. yum. heh. so thank you...! CONTEXT: You are more than welcome. You deserve the compliment. / I also agree with your opinion of "Blood: The Last Vampire". I did not care much for the storyline or plot. The animation and characters, especially Saya, were fantastic. /Taking the opportunity to, I browse your LJ. In regards to your post on your favorite things... I love the London photo, the sleeping child (which I suspect is you as a child), and the winter scene (especially). / I will definitely try to keep abreast of your continued efforts. :) i'm a scavenger for pictures of things i love.. the child isn't me, but i'm quite certain there will be pictures of the little, tinier me at some point. you are welcome to read, should you wish to ^_^ CONTEXT: Ah. So the photo of the child was not you. My bad. I thought that I saw a resemblance. The nose and the bottom of the lip were not quite right, but I made myself see a similarity. :) / I have added you to my friends list. Thank you for inviting me to. I look forward to your broadening artistic efforts. / Although I do not completely share your ardent love of blood and "lolis", I do appreciate your passion for those subjects. I am a movie buff and have seen more horror movies than the average bear. ;) / You might like a post I recently wrote. It is not filled with gore but it does have some morbid (but naturalistic) elements to it. / http://www.livejournal.com/users/symian/96009.html heh..for "lolita complex" and young children, i'm more obsessed with the idea of being a child, child-like, doll-like, etc myself than having any repressed desire to molest one. if it makes any sense, i find the way -other- people sexualize children fascinating though..so hm. i have no idea where my penchant for blood and guts comes from...i think i've always liked it. i was very amused by your dancing squirrels ^_^ CONTEXT: brilliant. /i love the tilt of the head and converse tilt of the eyes. / very cute, but somehow wrong at the same time, which seems like exactly what you were going for. / checked out your other work and postings on your journal and there is a lot of very intriguing stuff. i'll be adding you to my friends list if you don't mind. i don't mind at all. i would quite like to read your journal too ^_^ CONTEXT: <3. You're very pretty and your dress is just so, so lovely. aw, thank you ^_^ CONTEXT: sooo beautiful and doll-like!!! <3 i need to get together an EGL outfit for dickens faire but i don't think i'll be able to get anything nice together T_T / you are Super Cute!! thanks ^_^ what's dickens faire? is it like renn faire, but victorian (assumption dickens = referring to charles dickens..)...? CONTEXT: omg..ur lj is so freacken awesome!!!!!! im so adding you back! yay ^_^ nice to meet you then!! CONTEXT: Wow, beautiful dress.. where does one get somehting like that? well, if i was a skilled seamstress i would probably have made it, but as i'm sewing-illiterate i had to settle for snagging it from metamorphose temps de filles. i love their clothes so much... ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/4553653.html https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/nursedollX1.jpg [WHAT PHOTO IS THIS??] CONTEXT: wow, besides loving the outfit and the picture itself, you are really pretty. I added you because i want ot see more of your work ^_^ aw, thanks ^_^ i'll probably end up adding you back...there are actually more pictures from this series i took today, that i'll put in my journal shortly.... oh! and i didnt notice at first you had a "collage of our life" icon! i loved that film :D it was so...fake and weird but, uh, good at the same time o_o CONTEXT: This picture weirds me out because you look so young and you're cradling a doll, yet the nurse outfit carries a certain sexual, er... 'connotation' isn't quite the right word, but you know what I mean. yeah, i know what you mean...its how i feel though. half of me feels like a sexual child and the other an asexual adult. its very confusing. i got the creeps looking at my own pictures... CONTEXT: How old are you really? do you want to take a guess? CONTEXT: I'm a terrible judge. You could tell an outrageous lie and I'd probably be fooled. heh, its always interesting (and amusing?) to see what people think. but i'm an awful judge of age too. i'll make another comment and delete it or screen it...i don't care particularily much about disclosing it, but i prefer that people ask me first... CONTEXT: gorgeous :) / living dead doll? thanks ^_^ are you saying i look like an LD, or asking if the doll is? if the latter, she's not. she's an angel devil doll, made by anna puchalski...iamdollface ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/4745181.html https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/pow666.jpg [WHAT PHOTO IS THIS??] CONTEXT: Now this I like, tremendously. thank you... CONTEXT: I don't know if I like it, but it's very interesting. :) / Post more pictures please! there are more pictures in my journal. ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/4814773.html https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/scab.jpg [WHAT PHOTO IS THIS??] CONTEXT: That's awesome ;) thanks... CONTEXT: This shot is terrific, but it makes me uncomfortable. Does that make it art? i'm really glad if it makes you uncomfortable, because i think that means it's a very strong image.... my nose really was bleeding. ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/4848081.html Mood: cross-eyed my alter-ego in the photoshop mania dimension. or something. https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/9ddc874b.jpg [WHAT PHOTO IS THIS??] CONTEXT: awesomeness! what PSP tool was used?? not PSP - photoshop. umm...let me remember....i think i just used a lot of blur and smudge (for the hair, parts of the face), changed the levels and contrast, hues, saturation, colour variations, and then split the image in half and flipped half to give a whole mirror effect @_@ ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/4872359.html https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/PLHQ2.jpg [WHAT PHOTO IS THIS??] x-post to my journal CONTEXT: i wish i was a twin....then i could take cool pictures like that / you are very, very cute by the way / plus i like your icon but i'm not a twin either^^ although i wish i was. i just took 2 separate photos from the same angle and layered them into one. thank you for the compliment ^_^ CONTEXT: you're very welcome! ^-^ ...on a side note I have to ask / from your icon i gather you like anime, what's your fav? evangelion. i am so freakin' obsessed with evangelion. it makes me cry :< but serial experiments lain comes a very close 2, i think. also my guilty pleasure is gravitation. you? ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/4893206.html Music: the pillows Hamtaro-face! https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/d02e1f9c.jpg [MIRROR: https://photobuckets.kamistik.com/pheelie/root/d02e1f9c.jpg ] :3 CONTEXT: remember your last post - the blue one in which you were holding a teddy bear with a happy smile on your face [happy not moping!]? well, i thought that was possibly the cutest picture ever, but you may have just surpassed even that. it's true. / how long did you keep the stickers on for? did you venture out in public with them? that would be sooooo cool =) cuteness is my mission in life :D i guess i had hamtaros all over my face for about an hour or two. i compulsively did it very late at night when i was about to go to bed, so unfortunately the only people graced with my happy-hamtaro-ness was my family^^ ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/4901325.html https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/hide_from_me.jpg [WHAT PHOTO IS THIS??] CONTEXT: Nice cry for attention. You're retarded. thanks for making superficial assumptions about me. CONTEXT: This is the crappiest answer I ever heard... r u a wannabe artist , isn't it ? Go take a base psychology class and u'll learn what cuts really mean... please don't turn this into material for ljdrama.org... CONTEXT: i dont think its a cry for attention, but you're certainly getting it / eh. i like the picture. i like the wallpaper. people's reactions surprise me. its kind of embarrassing. i don't know. i just took the picture to reflect how i was feeling at that particular moment. so what if i'm wearing short sleeves today? CONTEXT: ummm... the picture is lovely and I really like it, but you didn't honestly think people wouldn't notice you had cut your arms to shit did you? Artistically speaking (whatever that means), the cuts on your arms seem to be the focus of the picture, whether they were intended to be or not. of course i know they are there. but it irritates me people can't accept them aesthetically or react to the picture as a whole rather than just my arms. CONTEXT: I just think that the cuts are so up front and that is why people are reacting to that part of the picture first and foremost. It's very jarring to people to see something like that, and they might have trouble reacting to anything but that aspect. / Re-reading what I wrote previously, I think it sounds snarky. I didn't mean it that way. But I don't really think it should be surprising that this is what people are reacting to the most strongly. And for the most part they seem to be reacting in an empathetic way. i'm not trying to be dense but i'm just so used to having them and seeing them that they don't seem extraordinary. so i forget what other people might think. then again its not as if i didn't see them in the picture. i thought you were being snarky but it's ok. it's interesting how people react, i guess. whenever i take a photo of myself i'm trying to be honest about how i feel at the moment. is it so unacceptable to be honest about feeling sad......? ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/4910932.html https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/efb79969.jpg [WHAT PHOTO IS THIS??] CONTEXT: Oh Mr Hart, what a mess! but who is Mr Hart, and what does he have to do with jam bukkake? CONTEXT: He's a contemporary artist who has been known to use some interesting methods to make his art. / A few years ago he featured in a carpet ad where he made a painting of a dragonfly on a carpet floor using a variety of stuff like hot chocolate, wine, tomato sauce, jam, stuff like that. The eyes were made with two cakes that were placed in position and shot with a shotgun. / Once the painting was complete, a cleaner entered the room, looked around, and said "Oh Mr Hart, what a mess!" omg, sounds awesome. i have to find a picture of that dragonfly now... CONTEXT: "jam bukkake"? I have a horrible suspicion that I am going to be haunted by that phrase... Its just so... Nope, run out of words. :) just don't think about it too much... :D CONTEXT: Jelly? what do you think it is? CONTEXT: just realised you look exactly like a friend of mine called rachel. weird. (this is kimi) ah! i'm sorry for not emailing you again sooner, i shall be doing it shortly this afternoon (but i have some lessons to go to first >_<) i think i look really different in photos. that's why i like them...i can transform myself. because i do not think i have a very interesting or pretty face, but photos can somehow make it look like that. i think it's really surreal.it's probably better to say i look like rachel in the photograph, than i might actually look like here in real life.. can i add this journal too? or would you rather i just kept to eclecticist? CONTEXT: i understand completely.. and it'd be nice if you added this journal too. it's my more current journal of silly day-to-day things. i will then! CONTEXT: you know who you look like to me? lain from serial experiments lain oh. my. kame-sama :D *gives you the blessings of the wired* when i cut my hair, that was exactly what i wanted it to look like :D i even had that long part at the side with an elastic band around it, but i got tired of it ^^; lain...i love lain... either she or rei ayanami, they're my favourite anime characters. i want to be her... its funny because the first time i watche SE Lain, i was watching with my brother, and he said "you're just like lain", although at the time he was referring to my being a silent reclusive computer nerd rather than looking like her ¬_¬ CONTEXT: I was just lookign and thinking you look very anime. I hadn't got as far as Lain yet but I do agre you do have a very lain look about you. The only question is do you have one of those wonderfully cute bear pyjama type things? :) actually...i did use to have one. it had little mittens that looked like bear paws, too. but that was when i was 13, and i gave it away when i grew taller and it didn't fit me anymore. i need a new one. oh, and you should watch lain soon as you can. it's fantastic. ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/4988739.html https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/more/candy/siam3.jpg [MIRROR: https://photobuckets.kamistik.com/pheelie/more/candy/siam3.jpg ] CONTEXT: You remind me of some specific anime character, but I can't quite put my finger on it. that's the greatest compliment. i'm surprised but other people said it too...maybe hisoka from yami no matsuei? https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/more/candy/4-2.jpg [WHAT IS THIS] ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/5030962.html https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/marshmellow/rejected_doll.jpg [WHAT PHOTO IS THIS??] ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/5150630.html https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/blackberry/rei_eye_heart.jpg [MIRROR: https://photobuckets.kamistik.com/pheelie/blackberry/rei_eye_heart.jpg ] ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/5146831.html https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/blackberry/foetus.jpg [WHAT PHOTO IS THIS??] ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/5157960.html Music: depeche mode: love in itself https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/blackberry/bathangel1.jpg [WHAT PHOTO IS THIS??] CONTEXT: this makes me ...uncomfortable, but that's good in art what exactly about it disturbs you? CONTEXT: the scares are a bit offsetting, but good for you being able to show them. / i actually have the same ones, in the same place, but don't have the courage to share them just yet. / i hope not to see any freash ones on you though / (don't mean to sound preachy, sorry) in this particular picture i wasn't really thinking 'bout the scars... sometimes i deliberately show them, but most of the time i forget they're there. i haven't cut for a few weeks. i tend to cut in, err...binges. i go for a long time without & then do it very heavily... CONTEXT: the abuse so apparent in it / and the fact that it feels selfinflicted above all the blood on my face is menstrual blood. ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/5345944.html https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/lostsouls/twiglets_and_moonbeams.jpg [MIRROR: https://photobuckets.kamistik.com/pheelie/lostsouls/twiglets_and_moonbeams.jpg ] CONTEXT: Truly outstanding image. Bravo. is that the bunny boy from gummo in your icon? CONTEXT: None other than. / ;) i fucking love that film. ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/5351499.html Mood: a sleepless headache Music: queen adreena https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/lostsouls/headache.jpg [MIRROR: https://photobuckets.kamistik.com/pheelie/lostsouls/headache.jpg ] CONTEXT: i am in love with this photograph. it is beautiful. thankyou~~~ there's a few more in my journal CONTEXT: nice work again, ice-maiden http://www.livejournal.com/users/scarecrowmaiden/198796.html http://www.livejournal.com/users/scarecrowmaiden/198578.html worksafe for you... ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/5362141.html https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/lostsouls/delirium.jpg [MIRROR: https://photobuckets.kamistik.com/pheelie/lostsouls/delirium.jpg ] CONTEXT: not only do you pick the most extraordinary and diverse images from all over the world to light up my imagination, but you are also an incredibly beautiful person! I wish you the happiness you deserve! o_o thank you....that made me feel quite shocked, actually.... CONTEXT: Beautiful! :) ^_^ CONTEXT: should i ask what is coming out of your chest. hmmm..... what does it look like to you? CONTEXT: It looks like a keyhole.... well, to me, anyway. :) you're right, sort-of. CONTEXT: a paramecia. (i had to look that up in the dictionary) ....interesting o_O CONTEXT: I cannot tell what it is, what is it? well, it was meant to be a keyhole, but when you're drawing on yourself at 3am with felt-tips that don't work at all on flesh and then you let it fade for several days anyway....i'm afraid it becomes something else, and i don't know what that is either. CONTEXT: and who is the lucky key holder my dear? that question reminds me of the story "the leading man" by aimee bender ....if you want a long answer, then you should read that story. the short answer is....i don't know.... CONTEXT: gorgeous.. deep thought :) not really. i was listening to nine inch nails and waiting for my hair bleach to finish working @_@ CONTEXT: good taste, too.. have you heard the new track? let me know if you want it no, i haven't..... i was sortof torturing myself about whether to wait for the CD to come out or not. is it the one that was leaked or is it actually a single? what's the sound quality like...? CONTEXT: it's the one that was leaked.. the line begins to blur. the quality's great, but i can understand why you'd want to hear it in the intended context. thinking back, i can't imagine hearing any of the tracks on the fragile before i bought the album; it just wouldn't have worked, somehow / it's an amazing track though :) i think i'll wait.... but if i change my mind, i'll let you know. CONTEXT: I love it. And I love your icon. thank you. my icon is from the wonderful film gummo... CONTEXT: Oh, you are so beautiful. thankyouverymuch o.o CONTEXT: ♥ ♥ just wondering, was that anonymous comment yours? CONTEXT: beautiful again. you always look so vulnerable though. i feel the urge to put some happy music on and make you dance around the room until you are grinning from ear to ear. happy music makes me feel weird? but dancing makes me feel awesome. i don't dance very often. i guess i like dancing to angry music. heh. CONTEXT: You're so beautiful. hmm.......thank you. ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/5365728.html Mood: it's too dark https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/lostsouls/i_fucking_hate_5_AM.jpg [MIRROR: https://photobuckets.kamistik.com/pheelie/lostsouls/i_fucking_hate_5_am-CROP.jpg ] CONTEXT: Hey.. nice tits.. but it looks like u smuged ur make up on u when.. u tried licking ur nipple / WAIT.. this is a community.. ahh i just thought it was a funny picture on my freinds page... my apologies to the artist and community.. the shallow comment was only made to amuse. an inside joke of sorts... my sincerest apologies ¬_¬;;;; CONTEXT: it takes guts to post pictures of yourself naked. good job. not really....or perhaps i just don't care. photographing myself distances me from me, in the end it doesn't exactly feel like myself, only an alter-ego or "other" self... i always horizontally flip my pictures, so it really is as if they came out of an alternate (mirror) world. CONTEXT: those are big words, just amazing. / how old are you? you seem young in your photographs what do you mean exactly by saying "big words"? it sounds a bit patronising.... i'm four years old, actually. CONTEXT: didn´t mean to sound patronizing. i guess the interweb is not a good way to communicate. anyway you have a smart philosophy about selfportraits. for most people is all about vanity and meaningless actions and reactions. for you is... well you just said it. and i take back my previous question, the age is rather irrelevant in self-expression. you just impress me. (in a very good way) oh, okay *shrugs* i know, it's hard to convey things the right way in words without voices... i am obsessed with myself, but in a way that's the exact opposite of being vain (i think) i take pictures because i want to make myself into something i am not, not because i'm enamoured with what i am..... ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/5373493.html https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/burnedchildren/lolitarose.jpg [MIRROR: https://photobuckets.kamistik.com/pheelie/burnedchildren/lolitarose.jpg ] CONTEXT: a pretty lolita girl :)! just pretending T_T i'll take that trevor brown picture for you today if i remember.. ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/5389273.html https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/girlanachronism/bitter.jpg [MIRROR: https://photobuckets.kamistik.com/pheelie/girlanachronism/bitter.jpg ] ^_^ i took this when our conversation was interrupted by slsk last week...so i carried on playing with my diabetic jam (o_o) CONTEXT: you really really love jam donrt you :) i love the photo though :) sticky things...yea. thanks~ CONTEXT: This is very professional-looking. Beautifully done! I think this is one of your best. :] i'm surprised because it's the most spontaneous picture i've taken in ages o_O i was just eating jam and the sunlight was shining a particular way.... thank you. CONTEXT: You look angelic. / Oh, I know you! hehe. I didn't recognise you in this photo. :) haha? i always look different. CONTEXT: But ... by different, I meant I don't think I've seen you appear so ... ethereal before. (Sorry, I'm not explaining myself well.) do you mean the *feeling* of me is different? ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/5417598.html Music: sneaker pimps: grazes https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/asylum/small_town_witch.jpg [MIRROR: https://photobuckets.kamistik.com/pheelie/asylum/small_town_witch-CROPPED.jpg ] https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/asylum/bloodsport.jpg [MIRROR: https://photobuckets.kamistik.com/pheelie/asylum/bloodsport-CROPPED.jpg ] https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/asylum/kiro.jpg [MIRROR: https://photobuckets.kamistik.com/pheelie/asylum/kiro-CROPPED.jpg ] CONTEXT: You might want to put all the pics under the cut, since they're definitely not worksafe. / But I really like this series. And you have very pretty eyes. i'll cut them if you want. i wouldn't consider them NWS but then i have strange standards. CONTEXT: very haunting thank you~ CONTEXT: very cool photos, but I'd agree to putting it behind a cut. If I was at home, I wouldn't mind if a naked woman came up on screen, but I'm at work right now, so it's not really something I want to just come up as people are walking by. i shall cut it then. but a "woman"? i'm only six years old. CONTEXT: if I believed you, I might be slightly disturbed...but thankfully, I don't. i get disturbed when people call me a woman, but i realise i my deception is of one, or nearly one, so you're forgiven. CONTEXT: Deleted comment thanks! CONTEXT: is that your arm in your user-icon? if so, it is beautiful and I'd love to see a larger photo looks like an edit of this picture? https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/asylum/649.jpg [WHAT IS THIS] CONTEXT: great pics / beautiful thank you. CONTEXT: awesome. you are totally hot and your eyes speak volumes. are those real cuts? / it's gotta be tough to "write" upside down..... [DELETED COMMENT - todo try to find in Wayback Machine] what i should say, of course, is that it's a mystery... CONTEXT: wow, an amazing process.....resulting in an amazing set of images. / do the scratches still show? yes, but just as red marks, they don't actually pierce the skin. they will probably be around for a few weeks though. my skin scars easily. CONTEXT: snap a pic of the fading aftermath. might look eerily cool, depending on the light... btw, are you a witch? that sounds like an excuse to stare at my chest. i'm getting a mastectomy soon, so no fear though. i'm a witch, but you have to guess if i'm a black witch or a white witch. CONTEXT: well duuuuuuuh. of course i want to see more of your bod, hotgirl. however you can cover that awesome rack with your hands for the pic....and it would STILL rock. hmmm....white witch or black witch...? gotta give that more thought. gimme a hint. no hint. clothes interfere with this kind of photograph. so do breasts actually but to a lesser extent. the perfect canvas would be if i had a chest like an eight year old boy. one day, maybe... guess ya can have them when i get them amputated. covering them with my hands would only make it conspicous. so i don't bother. ------------------------------------ https://selfportraits.livejournal.com/5694749.html Music: nin: the fragile x-post. https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v131/pheelie/fuchsia/ka.jpg [WHAT PHOTO IS THIS??] CONTEXT: You are utterly enchanting-----I'm in love but you have to ask yourself what you're in love with.... an image. CONTEXT: I think that you have a lot of growth to do before you'll be happy with yourself (but don't we all?). why do you say that? why do you think i'm unhappy? ------------------------------------